Bra My Brains Out

Can I say that I HATE the Playtex Bra commercials that have been popping up on T.V. recently? Like, I honestly want to let out a primal scream and then get in my car to drive over a cat, any cat will do, every time it comes on. Let's put aside that Playtex is at best a mediocre bra, but these things are ugly as hell and the main comment from one of these "real" women is how hot the new bras look. I stare at them and pray that I am never subjected to having to wear it even as a torture device. Another lady declares that finding a good bra is like finding a good man. Listen, there's a store called Victoria's Secret that most likely you will find within a 10 mile ratio of your trailer. Save $40, go there, and buy a dumb supportive bra rather than be in a commercial where you are seen my millions wearing only a nightmarish bra and your tan-colored undies. No one, save your convict boyfriend, wants to see that mess. And the lady that stores her gummy bears and cell phone in her bra, I get it. That's your little party trick and the kids will clap and cheer for the crazy blonde lady, but it serves no purpose to store your junk there (sweat + gummy bears = death. Trust me).

Yes, I have DVR, and yes I can forward through commercials. But every so often I encounter what they call "Live TV" and I then suffer through real time commercials. So all I ask this holiday season is that Playtex just put all of those commercials on the Oxygen channel, where I will never venture over to watch. Oh, and please slap the redhead at the end that says with some sort of a lisp, "Tanks, Playteks!".

The offending video here.

Nourallah Brothers - Christmastime

Singleville - Population: 1

When single, it seems like couples and their nauseating presence are magnified by 100 and shoved right up in your face to make sure you're aware that they're in a relationship and your pathetic ass isn't. I truly believe that women are the main culprits in making sure all of this "awareness" is carried out. (and it's just another reason of many of why I despise the female species. Stories for another time...).
It's the squeals, shrieks, and ring flashing of the just-engaged woman that from then on demands all of the attention and all of the bright lights be thrown on her until we slam that limo door shut and off into her future of nagging and general bitchiness she and her hubby go.
Another irritation is in church where the woman sidles up to the man and either does that trying-so-hard-to-be-cute sigh while putting her head on his shoulder or she will rub his shoulders and back for what seems like a hellacious eternity. Fun story: My friend actually got so fed up with it one Sunday that she tapped the girl's shoulder and asked that they stop because it was very distracting. Yeah, that friend was my hero. Sad Story: She's currently married and is now guilty of the rubbing. No longer a hero.
My favorite has to be the glares that will sometimes be thrown my way or at other single girls for what I assume is meant to keep us from going after "their man". As if we would want their tired, trampled-down, doormat men in the first place. No thanks, I prefer a man with a pair, plus I just really don't feel like cleaning up the wreckage they caused.

It probably sounds like I'm bitter and I'll admit that I fall into that mood occasionally. But I think it's for good reason as singles are a vastly underappreciated and overlooked group of people in terms of how couples perceive us. Like an adult who will forget how it is to be a kid or teen, I think it's very similar to a single person going to couple status. From my own experience, it seems like all the parties and events I attend that are hosted by a couple are saturated with 95% more couples than singles and the only single guys there are either that 35 year old who pathetically and uncomfortably flirts with the 20 year old girl or the 13 year old brother of the host who quickly vanishes to his room to play his Wii (I so very much want that system, by the way). I get that couples are more likely to be friends with other couples but all I ask is that the ratio of singles to couples invited is semi-even.

Don't get me wrong, I do love being single, with the reasons being freedom, freedom, and... oh yeah, freedom. But once in awhile the low times will creep in where I have my own Bridget Jones moment. Instead of singing "All By Myself", I choose Phil Collin's "In The Air Tonight" and/or "We Fly So Close" (They're both so good in the melodramatically sad department how could I pick just one?). Thankfully, those moments pass quickly.

I think my main point, other than to vent, is this - be kind to singles, those of you in relationships. The mocking and jokes will correlate according to your actions towards us. Just a fair warning.

Ray LaMontagne - "One Lonesome Saddle"