Power To the Romo People!...

I attended a Romanian powered, hardcore full throttle, 400+ guest wedding this past Sunday. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute... Now I will officially be accepting your pity. Oh boy, where to start. Well, I think the best way is to time-line this sucker and split it into a two part post as there were so many random things happening it really didn't have an overall theme or point, as is usual in a Romanian event.

The Outfit - 1:00 PM
I found this important to focus on because:
A) Weddings are really just an excuse to get dolled up.
B) I had to look somewhat presentable because I haven't seen most of these people in, seriously, a lot of years. I think it was time to turn some Romo boys' heads. I wore this dark green chiffon J Crew dress and a pair of black pumps that shot me up to 6'0 height. So cuteness and intimidating height were working hand in hand that day.

The Ceremony - 2:30 PM
Of course with having invited 400 people, the church they used (my old Romanian one that my family left a decade ago this fall) only fitted about, oh, 300. So since my family has hung around Americans for so long, we've acquired the skill for being at places on time or even earlier, compared to Romanians who float in when the mood strikes and that's usually an hour or so later than the scheduled time. We arrive to the church (my parents, my oldest brother, and youngest sister. Tim was smart and said "oh, heelll no") around 1:30 so we wouldn't be crammed somewhere in like sausages or have to stand up in the way back for the 2 hour ceremony. Yes, you read that right, two.. hours... When you go to a ceremony and see two chairs up on the stage, you know it's going to be sad, sad times for you.

At first entrance into this aging building of a church, I was hit with this really musty and old odor. I asked Jon if he smelled that and he replied without skipping a beat, "It smells like death". I couldn't disagree with that. We arrived so early that we weren't allowed in because the wedding party was having their pictures taken. As we waited around in the back, the awkwardness got its mark, get set, ready and go. Ok, back story moment here - I am currently using a certain dating site for different reasons I won't go into at the moment (though in my defense for using this particular site, I just wanted to see what else was out there, but am now sort of just half-assing the dating site now as I'm not impressed), and I was recently matched with a Romanian dude that I know and that goes to this old Romanian church. And yes, he knows we were matched, as it's inevitable because of the way the site works. I pretty much just left that one alone when I saw it, I didn't close it down, and he didn't do anything about it as well. But I knew he would be at this wedding and of course the first person that I see while sitting in the back is him barreling down from the balcony stairs. And it was that awful awful moment where our eyes locked for a brief second and then broke as he lumbered off, leaving you with a fresh feeling of dread in your tummy. So this event was off to a good start.

My mom refused to sit in the balcony of the church or in the pews below it because, in her words, "I don't trust the structure of this church. I don't want to be anywhere nearby if the balcony crashes down." So we chose to sit closest to the door to the right. These particular pew benches were beasts because there was no cushion for the back, just you and the hard wood. So we were already writhing and stretching our backs from the moment we sat down. Surprisingly, the ceremony started on time, and while there were a few scragglers most were there for the start of the wedding. I was pretty happy because the AC was blasting and I thought that at the very least we would be semi-comfortable, but it seemed like once the wedding started they shut the whole thing down. The heat was bitch-slapping me in the face. When I looked at the program and saw not just one, nor two, but three freaking pastors scheduled to do a message, I cried inside and outwardly groaned as well (try it, it's a strangely pleasant feeling). Why? What's the point? It was Sunday and they already had a service that morning. Why three more? Romanians, that's why. They see an opportunity when so many people are coming into church that they want to get to you while they have you. I remember at my cousin's wedding about seven years ago a Romanian pastor that gave a message during the ceremony, speaking of Hell and those going to it. It was a beautiful wedding.

The wedding started and I did a double take as there were six sets of little pipsqueaks walking down the aisle, of course fulfilling the obsolete roles of the flower girls and young groomsmen. One pair of the bunch did a loop and walked down the aisle a second time. People thought it was cute and did the obligatory chuckle, I wasn't so amused. Then the groomsmen and bridesmaids came on down, looking pretty well-dressed. The one thing that was odd was how all of the bridesmaids were just cousins of the bride (and she had a sister, who was not included) and the groom just had his brother plus more male cousins of the bride. Another strange thing was how the bride was 26 and the wedding party was all under the age of 20, save for the groom's brother (more on that guy later). I do have to give the bride credit as her dress was gorgeous and she looked great. The first pastor to give a message threw out every marital relationship cliche in the book and I can guarantee he probably figured he was being original and enlightening, as if we've never in our lives heard of being kind and loving to our spouses. Thanks, Descartes. One thing I hate that this guy did was the throwing of rhetorical questions to the couple, and it's much worse when the couple kind of quietly mumbled the answers as they didn't know if the pastor wanted an actual response or not. "Do you love this woman with all of your heart?" "Uh...Mumble..yeah..mumble mumble"

As we trudged through the half point of the ceremony, which so far included a musical performance involving a synth keyboard, a mediocre singer, and a full choir sitting up in front 2 feet away from the couple, it turned out that one of the pastors that was supposed to give a message wasn't actually available. A soft huzzah was let out from our bench and smiles were had all around. They just ended up filling that space with the groom's father giving a toast. Yes, a toast speech during the ceremony. Though it turned out to be very sweet and heartfelt, just really one of the more touching moments of the day. But I need explained to me how even with that 5 minute toast substituted in for the 20 minute one, the ceremony still amounted to two hours. The main pastor of the church who officiated the wedding was given his time (and an English translator) and he talked about how he had only started thinking of what to say for the wedding the day before and that he came up with his material while he wandered around the mall. I whispered to Ligia, "that's preparation and caring for you" while she whispered back, "Why was he at the mall?". He also threw out a joke to my parents' friends about putting on their yarmulkes when a song from the Fiddler on the Roof was about to be sung. Classy. My siblings and I passed the time by writing our "Do's and Don'ts" for our own weddings in the far distant future. Number 1 on our list was banning that pastor from coming (I added that I would hire a bouncer just to be sure). The following picture is my sister's copy of the wedding program that we defaced. I will scan my own when I find out where I tossed it (click the picture for a larger image).


When those two hours of my life taken from me was over, my siblings and I quickly slinked out the side door so we could avoid having to say hi to the couple. I really hate saying hi to just-married couples I don't know well because of the awkwardness + fakeness required to get through that. It's something I don't intend to strive to master any time soon. After enjoying the sunlight for a brief moment and then waiting for those chronic double-parkers to move their cars so we could leave, off we drove to the Nixon Library for the reception...

Part Two - The Reception: Coming soon...
Sneak peak includes more torturous encounters with my Romanian match, plus awkward seating arrangements, and a frightening picture slideshow with background music that would make you want to weep into your hands.

Wilco - "I'm Always In Love (Live)"
Al Green - "Love and Happiness"