Kitschy Will Be the Death of Me

The Catalog Favorites magazine came in yesterday, and while quickly skimming through the pages it made me stop to contemplate. This genre of magazine has for awhile now been gnawing at me, slowly chipping away at my spirit and hopes for my future as a kick-ass 40 year old woman. It's that magazine that sells all of that middle aged crap like "Sleep Is The New Sex" or "Time Flies When You Are Having Rum!" t-shirts that only come in XXL, the tacky turquoise coral and shell caftan that they actually have the balls to describe as sensual, or the Fanny Bank where it makes "amusing sounds" when coins are deposited in the rear end. I know there are people out there that do order from these magazines because they've been mailing those suckers for a long time now. I just need to know this: Does your brain turn to dull and unfunny mush when you hit the age of 40 and on? What compels a woman, who was at one time 20 years old and would never ever have purchased any of this junk, to buy a Fartmaster Key Chain that comes with six realistic flatulent sounds? I fear for what will become of me, and that is why I have made a pact with Sean. I will provide the loaded shotgun and he will pull the trigger to end any potential embarrassment and/or misery that would directly stem from buying a "Sometimes I Pee When I Laugh" t-shirt.

Ryan Adams - "I Taught Myself To Grow Old"


The New Pornographers - "Challengers"