Pretty Boys Ain't So Pretty

I've been on a VH1 Classic binge for the past week, recording Morning Music Block and We Are The 80s every day. There's been some great stuff (The Human League's song "Human"* is pretty good) and some awful videos too (Skid Row was popular, for real? And can someone explain to me what the hell Gloria Estefan's "Bad Boy" video is about? I don't understand why she dances with effeminate overdressed hobo man-cats in a dark alley). I feel pretty good about myself and a teensy bit smug with not being able to say that this stuff "takes me back", because I would find it incredibly depressing if the 80s were my peak years. But now to my larger concern that I've recently developed the past week: I can't be the only one who's noticed how terrible male musicians from the 80s have aged. Sure, the booze, drugs, and countless STD's (some of those newer-found strains of STDs I guarantee were first discovered in a musician) took a pretty frightening toll on the lot of them. But I'm still amazed and/or horrified when watching these live videos from 2000 and on and seeing what has become of the likes of Duran Duran or The Cure. What's really sad is how hard these guys try to keep their younger looks by maintaining some sort of semblance of their glory day coifs, not to mention the strong fight most of this group put up against aging women in the category of who gets more plastic surgery and botox shots done. But what can demonstrate what I speak of better than visual proof (i.e. pictures I googled).

Exhibit A: Paul Stanley of Kiss
I don't know what's happening here, so moving on to the next.

Exhibit B: Rick Springfield
He was such a good looking guy, I don't understand how he could have turned into this gaunt, feminine geezer.

Exhibit C: George Michael

What a disappointment George Michael became. Good looks and talent then change to forever pissed at the world, cracked out, arrested every other week, and new beady eyes.

Exhibit D: Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran

Ugh.


Exhibit E: Axle Rose of Guns N Roses
Frightening and bizarre, all wrapped up in one dreadlock. Didn't Tommy Hilfiger woop his ass in a fight pretty recently? Wow.

Exhibit F: John Oates of Hall and Oates

Poor Oates, time has bitch-slapped you around, hasn't she.

Exhibit G: Michael Jackson
I couldn't resist as he is the most obvious freak transformation from the 80s. Was so cute starting out but currently looks like some primordial monster that lurked out of the ooze and is now enjoying visually assaulting us. This site is great for going through the time line of the past 20 years.

There are so many more, I'm sure. But my attention span (and stomach) isn't strong enough to keep looking. But hey, that's what the comments section is for, right?

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* - I'm going to admit this only because I am confident in my current musical taste and collection, but once upon a time in high school I bought a certain LFO cd (not the British techno group, but the 3 crackers trying to be a boy band/light gangsta group), and one track off of that groundbreaking and visionary album has turned out to be a complete ripoff of The Human League's "Human" song. Oh LFO... Didn't expect much better from you, actually.