The State of Things

(Picture sent to me by Swoz. Thanks for finding the right one that sums it up.)

The New Pornographers - "Adventures In Solitude"

Welcome Back to the Real World

I wrote a post over at Buddy Comedy about my year spent playing World of Warcraft. Heave a big sigh for me as you read.

Ryan Adams - Follow the Lights

How Do You Open An Email?...

I have a problem. Whenever I get emails from "certain" people, something inside stops me from opening it to read it. I somehow end up thinking that the worst is in that email and the longer I hold out and am ignorant of its content, the better I will be off. Obviously that thinking always equals a big "dumb". But I can't do it. Right now as I type this there's an email from a professor I asked to write me a letter of recommendation. I emailed him a week ago asking for a status update on that letter's progress and was getting nervous over his lack of response. I was even thinking of ways to go to his office, fearful and shaky, and just ask how my very important letter was coming along. Now that he finally responded, I can't force my finger to click it open. I'm stuck staring at it and then closing the page down. Then I bring it back up, knowing I should read it. So painful.

Brett Dennen - Darlin Do Not Fear

Ramble Rumble

My two thoughts this weekend:

1. Nicole and I were at The Grove, and more specifically Sur La Table Saturday night browsing through cooking materials galore, and just being in awe of all the glorious products. I mentioned to her how at that moment I really wanted to find my dude and get married just so I would have a good excuse to buy two cart-loads of these wonderful things. And then I tossed in that I also wanted a kid for the themed plate and serving sets. I am a terrible person.

2. Say you're eating with friends/family at a restaurant that specializes and is known for their seafood, and I'll use the restaurant Providence in Los Angeles as an example. Why do people give you grief for ordering something from the menu that isn't their specialty item? "Oh, you're ordering steak? [Pause] From a place that is known for their seafood? Okaayy..." Which is then followed by the ubiquitous eye roll. My thinking on this is: if it's being offered on the menu, I can freaking order it. (Nicole didn't do this. It came to me randomly and I am in no way implicating her on this. Thank you.)

The Shins - Sea Legs

Baby Not On Board

Do you know about that "maternal" feeling that women talk about? The one that gives us females those so-called pangs and deep desires to have our own kids whenever we encounter the little ones while they're scooting around. You see that child and think "I desperately - nay - maniacally want one of my own". Well, there just might be something wrong with me as I can confidently say that I have never experienced any of these desires in my life. The closest I came to wanting a kid was seeing my little cousin Micah and just wanting to snatch him and take him home as is. Other than that, nothing. I mean, I work with children on a weekly basis with my volunteering, I have toddler cousins that are as adorable as those "animals wearing hats" videos, I even leave the house now and then and encounter people, some of them being cute little kids. Not once did it really affect me. I love working with kids, because if I didn't I'm a big fool and I've been wasting the past few years of my life stressing and being an overall wreck over getting into speech therapy (yes, you can work with adults as well, but I refuse so very deeply). I also have endless patience with kids and can chat and chat in circles with them and not get bored, unlike how I feel about my peers whom I would strangle 92% of the time if given a really solid chance of completing the act and getting away with it. So why wouldn't I be experiencing these drive-by hits of wanting to be a mother when I chose my future career around them along with using my free time to be a helper?

I think I figured it out today - Why do I not wish for Andrea Jr. saddled up in the burlap sling as I tote around town on my cruiser bike doing errands and being all motherly and what not. My conclusion is that it's a sort of relief that I get the perks of hanging out with these kids part time, with just being able to play and chat with them and in the near future help them gain language and speech skills that are so vital. But I'm not really responsible for them in the long run. Sure, if I lost a little tyke on my watch I would be flayed alive, but ultimately I'm not taking these kids home and being with them 24/7. I'm not the one that has to pay the ridiculous costs it takes to get a kid from age 0 to 18 (I won't even venture into the 30 year olds living at home. That makes me heave sobs). I don't have to be under the daily stresses and angst that comes with having kids and ultimately I do not have to be in charge of raising a kid that becomes a responsible, respectable moral member of this society. It could be just me but I really really don't want to fear that my kid will become the next psychopath and I end up being interviewed on TV playing the part of that dumb-as-dirt parent that had no clue what happened. I think that in the back of mind I just know that I'm not ready to take on that life-long mission and as a result I just refuse to get sucked in to daydreaming of child-rearing. Down the road I guess I might get suckered into it if/when I met the right guy (I'm talking to you, John Krasinski). So end result of my daily pondering - 1. I am satisfied that right now I get the perks of working with kids, and 2. Screw you if you still think it's odd that I don't want kids of my own.

Oh, and did I mention that in 7th grade I saw a real video of a woman giving birth that scarred me for life and at that moment I swore to not have kids, short of adoption? Thought I'd throw that tidbit in.

Originals - "Nothing In This World Like My Baby"