Today's Secret Ingredient Is....

I completely monopolized the DVR this summer, with Food Network timers galore having been set and all other shows thrown to the way-side. It's reached junkie status as there's at least 8 or so new shows to watch each day and I'm still finding new shows to record. I also frequent the network website and have filled my recipe box with great stuff (damn you, 50 recipe limit!). So I thought it would be fun to do a run-through of my favorite, and not so favorite, Food Network shows and personalities. So grab a chunky peanut butter and blackberry jam on whole wheat sandwich in honor of my favorite, but really Food Network-unworthy snack, and read on...

Barefoot Contessa - Ina Garten
Nicole always jokes that she would love to be adopted by Ina and Jeffrey and move to their amazing home in The Hamptons. Well, I would really settle for just being a house servant of theirs, if it meant I could even live in the basement (or wine cellar. I have my own blankets and pillows galore to bring, so I'm really a no-hassle, low maintenance servant). But really, her overall style and demeanor is pleasant, kind, and approachable. And any of Ina's recipes I've tried I've always found to turn out excellently and were so easy to do. She's even inspired me to try my hand at being a hostess once I'm settled into my own place. And if you know me, you know the idea of Andrea hosting anything is both hilarious and insane. I declare her my favorite "celebrity chef".

Every Day Italian - Giada De Laurentiis
I dig Giada, I really do. Stylish show, great food, and it's always amusing for me and my brother Jon, to point out how unusually large her mouth is. Other than the pervasive problem of her always wearing low-cut blouses (Hint: Women watch your show, we're not all exactly into that sort of thing), she's all right in my book. It's just that... lately she's kind of come across as sort of arrogant and a tiny bit superior in the way she interacts with the "common folk" or people she deems to be lesser chefs. My examples are whenever she's a guest judge on one of those Challenge episodes with the cake makers and when she guest judged the Next Food Network Star show. Watch her on these programs, you'll see what I mean. Plus, I sometimes find myself embarrassed with how she will act on her Weekend Getaway show, especially when she's out of the country. Nicole says it's just her excitement that gets her all riled up in these travel destinations, but I believe it's more to do with her being rudely loud and not even trying to go with the flow and chill out a little with the locals. Whatever, even with these trouble spots, her food more than does enough to redeem. So, salute, Giada! (And learn to love a camisole).

Boy Meets Grill - Bobby Flay
I used to really be anti-Flay. He came across as this brash, arrogant New Yorker ass who had an exaggerated strut and constantly smirked when he talked. Now, I find all of those negatives to be my favorite things about him because he backs it up with fantastic food. I am in awe when watching Boy Meets Grill, because I rarely see him make something I don't desperately want at that moment to scarf down. And he's a pretty hardcore competitor on Iron Chef America, which I respect. If I had to go into that kitchen stadium and stare down the The Chairman, I think I would end up being the secret ingredient (because I would get slaughtered. Get it?... Whatever). I'm not sure what his deal is with all of the ex-wives at such a young age, but I'll ignore it because he's Flay. And Irish.

Tyler's Ultimate - Tyler Florence
I love this guy! I don't really believe that what he makes on Tyler's Ultimate is really the ultimate version of that dish (though his open-faced chicken salad sandwich is insanely good), but it doesn't matter as he is one handsome man and watching him cook is enough for me. Even with the slow weight gain over the past few years, he's still gorgeously gorgeous. When I saw that marriage band pop up on his finger this year, it was almost enough to make me spurn away The Food Network for awhile. But I'm really nowhere close to being that dramatic of a person so I am still religiously watching this beautiful man cook for the masses (Applebee's is actually appealing again). The upside was that it did open up a slot for my new food-man-crush to be filled and it was filled rather quickly by another. Which leads me to my next potential love..

Good Deal - Dave Lieberman
I'll take one Dave Lieberman to go, hold the perky. Wow, where has this one been hiding, or rather, what hole in the ground has my head been in that I never noticed The Dave Lieberman? (Read Nicole's letter to Mr. Dave, as it speaks for all of us love-struck fools). For a long time my goal was to marry either a doctor, film composer, or chef as all of these have great qualities to offer. But now I've settled on marrying a chef. Why? Amazing food, killer gadgets and tools for the kitchen, Dave Lieberman.
I love how at the end of his episodes he always has his snobbish New Yorker friends over to his apartment, and he is so eager to share his food with them and explain every ingredient that went into every dish, waiting for them to show approval - sort of like the male version of Giada in that respect. On a side note: I was thrilled to read on wikipedia that he was moving to Los Angeles (and that he was single, but one step at a time). So throw him into the ever-growing list of men I must stalk.

Rachael Ray:
I have a very deep disdain for Rachael Ray. Everything about her rubs me raw, from her stroke-victim way of speaking to her exaggerated hand gestures and painfully loud in-your-ear voice. She also uses so many ridiculous phrases and attempted abbreviations, like sammy for sandwich (because the 2-syllable "sammy" saves so much time over saying the 2-syllable "sandwich"), yum-o for yummy, and EVOO for Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Toss on top how popular she is and it throws me over the edge. Seriously, if you post that Rachael Ray is terrible in any forum, her rabid fans are all over you like a monkey on the grapevine before you even finished hitting the submit button.
First of all, the "food" she makes on 30 Minute Meals looks like dog crap 99% of the time and the other 1% it looks maybe like something I would make for someone, but only as a very cruel joke. Her talk show is the worst I've seen, and that's counting Magic Johnson's The Magic Hour show back in the '98. Am I also the only who notices that on her $40 A Day travel show, she never tips? I guess her thinking must be, "Hey, I'm showcasing your craphole of a restaurant/cafe/bar, so shut up about a tip". And I don't want to get into her husband, because that's too far, even for me. But I will say this about him - "grease". That is all.

Now that my summer has ended and I am back into school, the recordings will sadly be curbed. The Office, Battlestar Galactica and House take precedence. Always. But I will continue to take what I learned from these shows to make some amazing food and try to figure out how I can break into Ina's home by crudely mapping out the layout from what I can see from the episodes.

Amos Lee - Sweet Pea
The Archies - Sugar Sugar