Baby Not On Board

Do you know about that "maternal" feeling that women talk about? The one that gives us females those so-called pangs and deep desires to have our own kids whenever we encounter the little ones while they're scooting around. You see that child and think "I desperately - nay - maniacally want one of my own". Well, there just might be something wrong with me as I can confidently say that I have never experienced any of these desires in my life. The closest I came to wanting a kid was seeing my little cousin Micah and just wanting to snatch him and take him home as is. Other than that, nothing. I mean, I work with children on a weekly basis with my volunteering, I have toddler cousins that are as adorable as those "animals wearing hats" videos, I even leave the house now and then and encounter people, some of them being cute little kids. Not once did it really affect me. I love working with kids, because if I didn't I'm a big fool and I've been wasting the past few years of my life stressing and being an overall wreck over getting into speech therapy (yes, you can work with adults as well, but I refuse so very deeply). I also have endless patience with kids and can chat and chat in circles with them and not get bored, unlike how I feel about my peers whom I would strangle 92% of the time if given a really solid chance of completing the act and getting away with it. So why wouldn't I be experiencing these drive-by hits of wanting to be a mother when I chose my future career around them along with using my free time to be a helper?

I think I figured it out today - Why do I not wish for Andrea Jr. saddled up in the burlap sling as I tote around town on my cruiser bike doing errands and being all motherly and what not. My conclusion is that it's a sort of relief that I get the perks of hanging out with these kids part time, with just being able to play and chat with them and in the near future help them gain language and speech skills that are so vital. But I'm not really responsible for them in the long run. Sure, if I lost a little tyke on my watch I would be flayed alive, but ultimately I'm not taking these kids home and being with them 24/7. I'm not the one that has to pay the ridiculous costs it takes to get a kid from age 0 to 18 (I won't even venture into the 30 year olds living at home. That makes me heave sobs). I don't have to be under the daily stresses and angst that comes with having kids and ultimately I do not have to be in charge of raising a kid that becomes a responsible, respectable moral member of this society. It could be just me but I really really don't want to fear that my kid will become the next psychopath and I end up being interviewed on TV playing the part of that dumb-as-dirt parent that had no clue what happened. I think that in the back of mind I just know that I'm not ready to take on that life-long mission and as a result I just refuse to get sucked in to daydreaming of child-rearing. Down the road I guess I might get suckered into it if/when I met the right guy (I'm talking to you, John Krasinski). So end result of my daily pondering - 1. I am satisfied that right now I get the perks of working with kids, and 2. Screw you if you still think it's odd that I don't want kids of my own.

Oh, and did I mention that in 7th grade I saw a real video of a woman giving birth that scarred me for life and at that moment I swore to not have kids, short of adoption? Thought I'd throw that tidbit in.

Originals - "Nothing In This World Like My Baby"